Playdown Update

Al's team made it through playdowns, so on to Nationals as Team Minnesoata 2 :)

Minnesota Playdowns

Good Morning from Playdowns!

This weekend I'm in Minnesota watching Alex's team playoff for a chance to represent MN at the Junior Curling National Championship. She had her first game last night, which they won, and has another game tonight at 7. I'll try to keep updating so you can follow, but updates will also be here

In other news, mom and I wanted to go to church this morning, so we did some research last night and found a church in the area we thought looked solid, got up early this morning and set out for the 9AM service. We get to the parking lot of this big church and there are like 5 other cars in the lot, bad sign we're thinking what could this possibly be like if only 5 people show up for service? Turns out, the early service was cancelled becuase of the holidays, so now were off to attempt the 10:30 service :)

Check back tonight for results on Al's late game!

Exam Week.....

With the arrival of exam week, I have banned myself from blogging so that I don't give myself an excuse to not study, but it's late and my brain is pretty much fried and I decided I'm allowed to write something short, just a little update.

I've been involved with a student org called Engineers Without Borders since spring semester of my freshmen year. EWB is an organization that brings engineering professionals and students together to offer free engineering services to underprivileged communities worldwide. At the UW we have teams working in El Salvador, Rwanda, Kenya, Haiti, and the US. I have mostly been involved with the Haiti team, but because of curling and rowing and summer stuff I have only done design work with the team, I've never gotten to be on the travel team, but Monday night I finally got official travel dates for our Engineers Without Borders winter trip which I will be able to go on this year!!!

Our team is leaving from Madison on January 6th, flying through Miami to Port-au-Prince, Haiti and then will drive to Bayonnais, the community which we work with. While we're there we will do a lot of surveying and other assessment work for a pipe bridge to be built over a river during the spring break trip. We have a lot of the bridge designed already, but need a little more information before we will be ready to implement the project. We will also be working with the people of the community and even running a health info session with some of our members who speak the language and giving out some basics like soap, tooth brushes and toothpaste. Then we'll return to Madison January 14th, just in time to chill a little before classes start the 19th.

I'm so excited to finally get to travel and thought I'd share that with you all :)

Breaking the Silence

As most of you have probably noticed, I have been a complete blogging failure for the last three weeks. School has been crazy insane, but it's finally starting to slow down a little so I've decided I'm gonna take some time to write tonight. Over the last few weeks, I have had a bunch of things I've thought about blogging, but no time to post, so now as I sit down to break the silence, I'm not entirely sure what to say. So here goes...

One thing that I hope will never fail to amaze me is Christ's sacrifice on the cross. Especially since this summer, every time I think of this amazing, beautiful, radical gift, I'm overwhelmed. Over the course of the last couple weeks, I have really been pondering what it looks like to respond to this sacrifice of love. Last week I started reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. In this book, Chan dives into what it looks like to respond to God's call for a "passionate love relationship" versus sticking with the status quo. I've really enjoyed this book so far and love where Chan is going, but have been challenged to look at my own life as well.

Last week I also was reading through the end of the Gospel of Mark. Every time I read through the end of a Gospel, and likewise through the crucifixion, my heart wants to explode in my chest, it's so overwhelming to think about the terrible pain He went through, it's so unimaginable to comprehend His separation from the Father and leaving the people on earth He loved the most, and it's so exciting to know He did that for me!!!! It's crazy! Reading through chapter 15, something new stuck out to me.

Mark 15:16-20--The soldiers led Jesus away into the palace (that is, the Praetorium) and called together the whole company of soldiers. They put a purple robe on him, then twisted together a crown of thorns and set it on him. And they began to call out to him, "Hail, king of the Jews!" Again and again they struck him on the head with a staff and spit on him. Falling on their knees, they paid homage to him. And when they had mocked him, they took off the purple robe and put his own clothes on him. Then they led him out to crucify him.

Mark 15:31-32--In the same way the chief priests and the teachers of the law mocked him among themselves. "He saved others," they said, "but he can't save himself! Let this Christ, this King of Israel, come down now from the cross, that we may see and believe." Those crucified with him also heaped insults on him.

As I read these verses, I kept thinking--Do you think there was a moment while Jesus was on the cross that He wanted to let these people have it? Like just a second when He wanted look them in the eyes and cry out to them, "Don't you get it, I'm doing this for you?!" What would He have given for these people to know Him, could He have given more? He gave them everything, and it still wasn't enough. They still chose to ignore Him, no worse than that, they chose to hate Him while He demonstrated the greatest love of all time.

Then, my thoughts slowly drifted to my own life, how often do I do the same thing? I even have the entire Bible laying out everything for me, and there are times I still choose to ignore His sacrifice for me. Chan says:

We forget that God never had an identity crisis. He knows that He's great and deserves to be the center of our lives. Jesus came humbly as a servant but never begs us to give Him some small part of ourselves. He commands everything from His followers.

Am I giving Him everything? Are there parts of my life that have Christ crying out to me, "Don't you get it, I did that for you so you could know Me, so you could know love..." Are there things blinding me from knowing His love or are there areas in my life where I am just completely ignoring Him?

Those are the things people don't really want to ponder, you know? Things, honestly, I feel like I would be okay not thinking about, ever.

But as I forced myself to stay in this uncomfortable place, I began to be convicted by grudges I continue to hold in relationships. People who I refuse to show the love of Christ to because I have not seen the love of Christ from them. This is something I really struggle with. I told a friend once that one of the hardest things for me to do is give grace to people who I think don't deserve it. She was quick to point out that that mindset basically defeated the entire concept of grace, withholding an undeserved gift from someone who doesn't deserve it.....I still do it though.

I know what God desires my life to look like, how He wants me to love my neighbor as myself and pray for my enemies and be a picture of Christ to this world, but sometimes it's so easy to ask, why? Why live like that, why is it worth going out of my way to get stepped on or put my neck out, or even my heart, for people who don't care? I want to, I want to be that girl known for her love, sometimes it's so hard though, and more than that sometimes it's so scary. You know?

Summer Already?

October 31st-What did I do today you ask?

Well, I'm glad you asked because I spent most of my day working on an application for a summer internship. Where you ask, well I'll make you guess, here's a few hints:

-The first question on the application is-How did you come to know Jesus Christ and how to you live that out today?

-The application requires a reference from a spiritual mentor/pastor.

-If accepted, I will spend my summer in Colorado.

Think you have it figured? What if I said that this internship will be a direct application of my engineering degree? Yep that's right! I am applying for a summer internship with an organization called Engineering Ministries International, a firm of professional engineers, full time missionary engineers, devoted to using their skills and gifts to serve the poorest of the poor throughout the world.

This is an organization I have fallen in love with the past couple years and I am so excited to finally qualify to apply for one of their internships. The applications aren't even due until January, so I probably won't hear back about it anytime soon, but I thought I would let you all know, because I am really excited about it and I would love for you to uphold me and this opportunity up in prayer.

Please pray that God would reveal to me how He wants me to spend my summer. I really feel like this is it, but if it's not, I will need God to make that insanely apparent. Also, this opportunity will mean another summer of support raising, please pray that God would already begin to soften and prepare hearts of future supporters. Finally, prayers for patience would also be much appreciated. In case you don't know me, I love having a plan. Even though summer basically half a year away, if I could have it entirely figured out right now, I would, so waiting for a response and revelation of God's plan will be a struggle for me.

Thanks!

Life on University

So today as I was walking on campus and I realized how many people I see each day. Seriously walking from class to class I see hundreds of people, but do I really see them? Normally I am so busy as I walk down the streets, my mind is bouncing between classes, homework, plans for AIA or the weekend, figuring out when I'm going to get a nap in you know, important stuff ;) that I just pay no attention to anyone whizzing past me on the street.

Today though I looked around for a moment and saw a girl who was walking down the street and she just looked so sad. I couldn't help but think, what's her story? Did she just bomb a test, get bad news, break up with a boyfriend, does she know Jesus loves her, does she know I really just want to give her a hug right now? In the few seconds it took for her to pass, questions bombarded me, I wanted to know this girl's story, and then she was gone, we passed each other and I probably couldn't even pick her out of a crowd again.

I took the rest of my walk from Bascom to Engineering Hall to just watch people passing by. So many people, so many stories, so many questions flying through my mind. What's playing on his Ipod, who's she talking to on the phone, are they dating, why won't she look me in the eyes; with every person I passed I felt like I wanted to know more.

Then, I began to wonder-What do you think it was like for Jesus to walk down the road, did He experience something similar? Did He tap into His omniscience every time He saw someone new? He did every really see someone new or did He already know the story of everyone He met? Was He always on compassion overload, did He every have to turn that off?

What did it look like for Jesus to love His neighbors daily? I know the Bible records the great stories of miracles that defined His ministry, but everyday, walking down the road between miracles, what did loving His neighbors mean? So flip side, what does loving these people in my life for seconds each day look like?

Obviously I can't stop every person I see on the street and dig into their story, I would never get to class. I can't just go around hugging everyone who looks like they've had a bad day and then keep going on with my day. So what can I do?

It's been a while

Wow I can't believe it's been 10 days since I blogged last!! Life as been sooo crazy lately, it honestly feels like I get down with one thing and then there are 10 more things to do. On top of struggling to simply balance life, last week I got midterm exam scores back. I felt so prepared for all of them, but only got mediocre grades back. That's such a discouragement for me. I'm really putting so much into my studies, I know this is where God has me right now so I want to give Him my best, but feeling like my best isn't good enough, I just hate that! Then I run into the question of what's the motivation driving my want for good grades, whether I want to glorify myself or Him with A's. If I'm trying as hard as I can and know that I'm giving Him everything should I be satisfied with these grades even though they leave me with a feeling of inadequacy? Something to ponder I guess.

Anyway. last week at Blackhawk the Sunday school lesson we were teaching the kids was "Wisdom means choosing wise friends." This "bottom line" was illustrated with the story of Rehoboam in 1 Kings 12, a classic I know ;) No for those of you who have no idea what that story is, The people came to Rehoboam (Solomon's son) as he was taking the throne and told him that his father's yoke on the people was too heavy and said that if he would lighten the yoke that they would serve him. The people gave Rehoboam 3 days to make a decision. In that time, Rehoboam asked some elders and some friends for advice. The elders told Rehoboam to lighten the load and gain the people's favor, while his friends told him to show the people who's boss and make their yolk heavier. Rehoboam chose to listen to his friends and consequentially the people rebelled.

So to teach the kids this story, the woman in charge of large group this week, Shannon, had the kids act it out. She picked one of the boys, Dylan, to be King Rehoboam. She set up the story, then she picked a girl to represent the people. She told the kids that one of the ways the people were under a heavy burden was that they were being taxed heavily. She took out some plastic coins and gave four to the girl and as taxes Dylan took three of those coins. Now Shannon began to explain the advice that Rehoboam got from both sets of people. Immediately, Dylan said he thought he should be nice to the people. It seems like common sense right? Then Shannon explained that if he picked to make life easier on the people that would mean less money for him, she took 2 of the coins in his hand and gave them back to the people. Suddenly, Dylan was torn. The decision that was a piece of cake seconds ago now left uncertainty written all over his face! I thought that was so interesting!

I don't know, it was just so apparent. Dylan, along with most of the kids in the room, knew when they saw the advice Rehoboam got, that if he would work with the people and lighten their load, that they would love him and serve him. But then you introduce this idea that making the right decision might mean sacrificing something yourself, and o man, that decision gets hard really fast!

I know being born with a sinful nature, into a sinful world, means that people are innately selfish. I'm selfish. Rehoboam was selfish. Dylan is 8, he's selfish. How do we reverse that? Can we? Even when we walk in the Spirit, are our motives ever 100% selfless? Dylan was acting out a story, he was making decisions over fake money and he still couldn't resist the temptation to want more! I mean it's funny but at the same time it's so not at all funny. I have no amazing revelations tonight, just observations I guess.

Rain Down Grace

As most of you, today was the first day in almost 2 weeks that we saw any sunlight in Wisconsin. Though I missed it because I was driving home from St. Louis, I did get to enjoy some of my own sun this weekend as well, but the point is that prior to today, we have been living with the welcoming of fall through cold, dreary, rainy weather.

Let me tell you, walking to class in rain is no fun at all; even if you have a rain jacket or an umbrella, it's impossible to stay dry if you have to go to class in rain. Even worse is if you have to do it all day, by the time you get home at the end of the day you are soaked and cold. Water is everywhere; it infiltrates every piece of clothing you're wearing, you have to take you books out of your backpack to make sure the pages dry out, you just feel wet.

The other day I got home from walking in a downpour, I didn't even realize how cold I was until I changed out of my wet jeans and into sweats and the warmest sweatshirt I have and realized I was still freezing. I was "dry," but it was like the cold rain had infiltrated my very being. I took a hot shower to try to "reverse" the rain, but even hours later, I could still feel the rain with me a little.

As we went through the week with rain on and off the whole time, that "rain feeling" was in the back of my mind all week, then on Thursday night at Primetime we sang a song called Rain Down Grace and of course that theme of rain hit me again. I've looked all over for a recording of this song, but can't find one anywhere, so here's at least the lyrics:

Come let us return to the Lord
With all of our hearts (2x)

(men) As sure as the rising of the sun
(women) He will come to us
(men) Like spring rains that water all the earth
(women) He will come to us
(everyone) He will come to us, yes He will come to us

And He will rain down grace
He will rain down grace
Yes He will rain down grace on us

We sang this chorus a ton of times and I just sat there thinking about how intrusive the rain had been all week. I couldn't escape it, no matter how hard I tried, when it was raining, I was soaked, water was everywhere and it just stayed with me, cold in my bones reminding me I was stuck in rain earlier that day. Isn't it amazing that that's how grace is?!?!

Grace like rain, I mean really ponder that for a second. There's no escaping it, God wants to shower you in this sweet, intrusive, all-encompassing forgiveness that's going to soak you to the bone and stay with you forever. It's going to hit every piece of who you are, those big huge gaping this in your life that are sitting out there for everyone to see and those small nooks and crannies of life that you have so secretly hidden from everyone's (except God's) sight. As believer's God's covering them all, soaking us in His love whether we like it or not, and believe me, there are sometimes when I don't like. Times when maybe it seems easier to keep going in sin, instead of being reminded by that feeling in your bones, that you're living a life made possible by grace like rain through the Savior's death on a cross. But you can't, there's no shaking the indescribable truth that is the Father's love shown in grace, and I love that!

Romans 6:1-7--What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death? Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin.

It so interesting how different all the Gospels are.

Matthew begins the New Testament by writing to the Jews, answering their questions about this crazy man who called Himself their Messiah. He includes the story of Jesus birth, His lineage; he gives the Jews the whole story, answers any questions they might have.Then Mark takes over and starts writing for the gentiles. Doesn't even touch this Christmas story, interprets Aramaic words, and includes only half the prophecy of the other gospels; he plasters the pages with the amazing miracles that anyone can understand.

At the same time, the Gospels are so similar too. Many stories of Christ's time on earth are shared in multiple places. It is interesting to note which stories the different authors choose to include. Also interesting is how the same story recorded in a different place can hit you in ways it doesn't or hasn't when read in another Gospel. Never experienced this interesting backwards Deja-vu? Well you're in luck, because today I did.

Today I found myself in Mark 1 and 2. Again, Mark doesn't spend any time talking about Jesus birth or lineage, so unlike Matthew, you get to see Jesus adult ministry immediately. Within the first chapter, Jesus is baptized and tempted in the desert, John the Baptist is put in jail, and Jesus is already being forced to move all over because He is being overwhelmed by crowds. Then, picture this vs. 40-42:

A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean." Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured.

Ok, so you read that, and maybe you think, Jesus healed some guy, nothing spectacular, some of you probably did, because that's what I did on August 19th, when I read this exact same story almost word for word in Matthew 8:1-4. I looked back at my notes to see what I thought, and I didn't even mention the story in my thoughts that day, I only commented on the story of the Centurion that follows.

Anyway, today something was different. I read those verses and then moved on to get through the rest of the chapter, but I just kept coming back to them. Something about those verses was getting me, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. After maybe the eightieth time I read it (ok not eighty times, but it was a lot) it hit me. I was floored by the way man with leprosy requested Jesus heal him. "Lord if you are willing, I know you can make me clean." This one sentence seems so complex. The man, who remains nameless, I kinda want to give him a name so he will be more fun to write about, we'll call him Henry, so Henry recognizes that nothing happens outside of God's will, He identifies Jesus as Lord and therefore also God as man, and he knows that if its God's will, Jesus could end his affliction.

My question is, what if Jesus would have said, "Sorry man, I'm not willing, I can't do that today." Really, what if that would have happened? I want to ask Henry what he would have said and done afterward, instead of running around like crazy shouting about how amazing Jesus was, where would he have gone next?

Jesus wouldn't have done that, some of you are convinced that would be impossible. Take a second and glance here at Mark 1:32-34, just a few verses before

That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. The whole town gathered at the door, and Jesus healed many who had various diseases.

The first verse says the people brought all the sick to Jesus, and the second says He healed many. You know, I don't think they would make this distinction if the many that were healed were all that were brought to Him. For example, Matt 14:34-36:

When they had crossed over, they landed at Gennesaret. And when the men of that place recognized Jesus, they sent word to all the surrounding country. People brought all their sick to him and begged him to let the sick just touch the edge of his cloak, and all who touched him were healed.

Matthew 14 all, Mark 1 many. Could you imagine being one of the not many who was literally in Jesus presence, but walked away without being cured, sitting staring in His face, but not feeling that healing touch?

- - - - - - - - - - -

So, I started this blog on Friday morning, and I basically got it written to this point Friday and I've been stuck here since. I couldn't get this story off my mind, but as I tried to conclude the post, I'm sitting here thinking, "so what?" Whether or not you track with the whole many vs. all theory I've come up with, the fact remains that sometimes Jesus does reply, "Sorry, I'm not willing," even when it's someone as amazing as Paul making the request in 1 Cor 12, but what do I want to say with this?

I was stumped by this question until last night at the Superchick concert (so good). After the band came out and rocked pretty hard core for a while, they decided to take it down a few notches. The lead singer began telling a story of a time in her life when it seemed impossible to see God's hand in her situation. She said one day during that time she found Job 23 and the song "Beauty from Pain" was the result. The song talks about how sometimes in life dreams are crushed and there is no hope of seeing them rekindled on this earth and there are times when God literally brings us to the end of ourselves basically to just leave us there. In those times, the darkness we are surrounded by is blinding; in that Job passage Job said that he literally could not see God no matter where or how hard he looked.

So, I think the point I am trying to come to with this is that there will be times when God says, "I'm not willing," even when it the most noble request from humble people who love the Lord with everything they got, and none of us can really understand that. But guys, I want to reassure that God will never take us through darkness without the hope that eventually we will see the dawn. Have you ever thought about that, how without the darkness of night you would never know the beauty of dawn?

I'll be honest, that dawn isn't promised to be swift, it might accompany the second coming and even if we get a glimpse of the dawn, our hearts might still be breaking, but God isn't giong to take you through it for no reason. I want to encourage you tonight, to walk through the darkness, the pain, with Him, even if you feel like He is nowhere to be found, because I can promise you that that feeling is a lie. God is there and wants to walk through the pain with you, to be by your side loving you while you're just trying to hold on. You never know who's life your speaking beauty into by wakling through the pain with Him.

Job 23:16-17--God has made my heart faint; the Almighty has terrified me. Yet I am not silenced by the darkness, by the thick darkness that covers my face.

Click here to see a video of Beauty from Pain by Superchick

Also, since last weekend when we got to see Meredith Andrews in concert, her CD has been playing almost non-stop in our apartment and it's great, but this song is pretty sweet and decently fits with my last post. I hope you enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2UZXgQaeQg

Timing is Everything

There is no way to get around God's timing. No matter how much we may want to avoid it or speed it up or slow it down or whatever, God's timing is basically unchangeable. Just this morning I was reading through the Genesis 11 and the tower of Babel. God told the people that His plan was for them to multiply and fill the earth, the entire earth. God had built this whole beautiful planet for the people and God wanted them to fill the whole thing up, but the people decided that building a huge tower to heaven and staying in one spot would be better. Then God, without even saying anything, put His timing into action by changing all their languages and literally picking them up and spreading them around the world Himself. We can't get around what God has planned.

Generally this fact is something I try to fight pretty hardcore. Actually that may be kind of a lie, lately, I have really loved where God has me and I think normally we don't even notice how great God's timing is, but I guess it seems like the only time we, I anyway, talk about God's timing is when we have a problem with it. Which is dumb, because at the end of the day, we know we can't argue with perfection. I mean really, when you start questioning God's timing, Job 39, 40, and 41 happen, and do you really want to answer the question "Where were you when...?" No, no you don't.

So moral of the story, I saw God's perfect coordination of life this week in my time with Him and I thought I would tell you about it, and acknowledge at least a little that I don't always hate God's timing. As you know, right now I am going through a Bible in a Year plan, but I am also going through Beth Moore's A Woman's Heart:God's Dwelling Place with our SALT Bible Study. 2 or 3 days a week I add some of this study to my time with God along with my other readings.

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but this summer something that I kept coming back to was the name of God-El Roi, the God who sees (seen in Gen 16:13). This picture of God seeing and loving and reassuring Hagar, a woman who no one else on earth really loved, just hit me. This is the woman who was the mother of Ishmael. If God had the right to leave anyone out in the cold, it was her, but He didn't. He saw her in the wilderness in her desperation and He loved her, it is a beautiful story that I don't think most people pay attention to.

With that in mind, this is the Psalm that was part of my reading Thursday:

Psalm 33:13-19
The LORD looks from heaven; He sees all the sons of men; from His dwelling place He looks out on all the inhabitants of the earth, He who fashions the hearts of them all, He who understands all their works. The king is not saved by a mighty army; A warrior is not delivered by great strength. A horse is a false hope for victory; nor does it deliver anyone by its great strength. Behold, the eye of the LORD is on those who fear Him, on those who hope for His lovingkindness, to deliver their soul from death and to keep them alive in famine.

Pretty sweet, right? God is always watching over those who love Him. The One who fashioned your heart, understands all your ways, delivers you and sustains you! He is your only hope, anything that you put your hope in on earth, can't cut it, and He is watching you from Heaven has His eyes on you every minute! Yeah, that's sweet!

So I read that and loved it, great way to start the morning. Then I start moving to the Beth Moore study, ready to jump into Exodus, but instead the "theme verse" for the day is from 2 Chronicles, 2 Chronicles 9:16 to be exact. Do you wanna know what that says? Here it is:

For the eyes of the LORD move to and fro throughout the earth that He may strongly support those whose heart is completely His.

I mean really, could those verse fit together any more perfectly? God definitely got His point across.

Now some of you are probably like, "Come on Randi, I know you're trying to be spiritual and everything, but really this is just a coincidence." And you know what, I disagree. I would even go further to ask, if God cares enough to look out for little details like what I read in the morning, how many more amazing things does He orchestrate for us everyday?

Golf Umbrellas Not Allowed

I just want to say, for the record, that golf umbrellas should not be allowed while walking on the sidewalk on campus. Not only is this an unnecessarily large amount of cover for one person, but a golf umbrella effectively blocks the entire sidewalk. So if, by chance, are carrying a golf umbrella and feel like tooling around and walking slower than molasses in the middle of a passing period, anyone walking behind who doesn't want to walk that slow and actually wants to get to class on time, is stuck going slow, especially if you happen to be walking down Dayton with construction all over the sidewalk, so your space is already cut in half.

Jesus,
Thank you today's blessing of rain. We were definitely in need of it, and I know the downpour today was an answer to someone's prayers. Please give me patience with my fellow students, especially when I'm soaked.

Steppin' Out

In case you were wondering, I am still going strong on my Bible in a Year study. So far I have gotten all the way through Genesis and part of Exodus, 27 chapters of Psalms, 6 chapters of Proverbs and most of Matthew. Pretty much everything I have read so far, I have read before, but God has really been speaking to me through these familiar passages.

One day a couple weeks ago I ran into Matthew 14, and I discovered I absolutely love this chapter! So it starts with John the Baptist's death. Sad day right? Yeah, it is, John was a great man, and he was martyred as a result of his faithfulness, and when Jesus heard about it, He reacted like you or I would. He withdrew in a boat to a secluded place, by Himself. Jesus knew from the beginning of time exactly how John's life would play out. Jesus knew when John was imprisoned by Herod, that he would never be free again, but that didn't matter. Jesus loved John, and when he died, Jesus was sad, He mourned. He had to go spend some time, out on the water, all by Himself, talking to His Dad, figuring stuff out. I love that Jesus loves, that He is emotional, that He knows what life is really like.

So, then Jesus goes back to the public, He can't hide forever, life doesn't stop even when we want it to. He goes back to shore and sees the people waiting for Him, and another emotion, compassion. Jesus overcame His own sadness and loves on the people who follow Him, He spends the day with them healing and teaching! Then, when they are hungry, enter AMAZING miracle. Jesus feeds over 5000 thousand people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. How sweet would it have been to just be there, like what does that even look like?!?! Imagine, your a disciple and Jesus looks at you when you ask Him to send the people away to get food "You give them something to eat!" He says. So you roll your eyes and start handing out the food that is meant to feed one family but it doesn't run out. You keep breaking off pieces of bread and there is always more, I mean, just think about that for a second, really think about, I hope you love that thought, cuz I do, and we're only like halfway through the chapter!

Once everyone is satisfied with their dinner and Jesus has healed everyone in the crowd, He sends the disciples ahead of Him. He finishes His last goodbyes with the crowd, I imagine it would take a while for some people to finally leave Jesus presence, and then goes again to spend some time in solitude with His Father. Its been a long a day, He's exhausted, and once He's spent most of the night in prayer getting filled up, He goes to find His men. By goes to find them, I mean He walks out to the boat that is in the middle of the storm, and this is my favorite part.

The disciples see a man walking on the water, instead of thinking the Son of God is coming to meet them, they jump to ghost. How often do I respond like that? I'm so terrified by what God is bringing into my life that I miss the fact that it is in fact God bringing something new into my life and not Satan tormenting me.

Jesus knows what they are thinking, He knows what His men need to hear, He can see the doubt in their faces, maybe even read it in their thoughts, "Don't be afraid, be courageous, it's Me." Now here comes the beauty, Peter hears it and he longs serve his Lord, "Jesus, I'm Yours, use me, tell me to join You!" Just what Jesus was looking for, He knows Peter is ready for this and responds with one word, "Come!" An invitation so simple, so appealing. Jesus doesn't need to explain Himself or tell Peter anything else, just "Come!" Peter just steps out of the boat, and walks toward Jesus.

BUT, oh man what a big but, but Peter gets overwhelmed, he was doing so well, having faith, going where no man has gone before, literally, but then he lets himself be distracted by the waves. He takes his gaze off Christ and begins to sink. When I read this, the first thing that came to mind was the movie Runaway Bride, you know when Maggie is walking down the aisle, everything is great, but then the groom turns to talk to the preacher or just for a second he blinks in reaction to a camera flash and everything goes down hill, that eye contact is broken and all faith is lost. Peter knew Christ would never let him down, but the waves were so big, the wind so loud he lost faith and began to sink, there is only one reaction ""Lord, save me!" He cries out to his King and there is no hesitation from Jesus, immediately He stretched out His hand and took hold of Peter. Jesus brings him to safety and asks "Why did you doubt?" that's it, no scolding just, "Peter, you know I love you, I would never let anything happen to you, why didn't you trust me?" As they step into the boat, the see is calmed and the boat keeps going to the other side of the sea.

I've never been invited to tread on the water with Jesus, but I definitely have been asked to trust Him. Sometimes, its the only thing you ask for, "Jesus let me know you, use me," so He does, He calls to you, "Come! Join me, walk with me." Then you do, and its great, but somehow you let Satan in too, and he distracts you, that perfect eye contact with Christ is broken not because He looked away, He could never take His eyes off you, but you take just a little glance to the left or right and you start to sink. You fight you it, you try to put your feet back under you all by yourself, but the water doesn't firm up and you keep on sinking further into the sea. Then, when your head goes under and there is no other option, you need help or you're done, you cry out to Jesus and He doesn't even hesitate, He reaches out and picks you up, you're safe in His arms He walks you back to the boat, you can see the love in His eyes, "Why did doubt?" There are no words, you don't know what to say, why did you doubt?

This is such a beautiful picture to me. The whole thing, beginning this chapter with Christ's humanity, then hitting the other side of the spectrum with an amazing miracle, and finishing with Jesus being Jesus, demonstrating His love for His faithful. Isn't it great! Jesus wants to use us, He's calling us to service, all it takes is faith. Sometimes, probably more often than not, we're gonna fail. It's true. I'm going to, you will, Peter did. We are going to run out and try to serve Him, and we're gonna fall flat on our faces, we're going to stumble and fall, we're going to sink in the midst of a raging storm, and He knows that, but He's still going to call us. He loves us enough to use us, and He's loves us so much, that He's standing by to catch us when we fall or cheer for us when we don't.

Is Jesus calling you to step out of the boat today?

I Survived

This fall I'm going on my third year of living in Madison. Throughout the last couple years I have had an ample amount of time to discover how life on the isthmus differs from the small town that is Portage, Wisconsin. I honestly love both communities, but I think this a topic I could probably talk on for days and still have only made a small dent in. For most, the first difference that comes to mind when considering Portage vs. Madison is size. Many in Portage will probably celebrate the day when we can amend our population sign to finally read 10,000, while Madison is currently pushing 225,000 people. This dramatic size difference is responsible for many of the other contrasts one can see between my two hometowns, not the least of which is biking.

Biking in Portage generally entails cruising down deserted streets and never really having to pay attention to traffic. Biking in Madison is completely a different story. Since umm I don't know, maybe conception, I have been literally petrified of biking in Madison. As a kid, whenever I would ride down to the west side with Mom, I would see bikers flying through traffic on University, only feet from the nearest car, which generally are also flying, and I would be afraid for the people in the bike lane. At some point while in high school, I came to the conclusion that these cyclists either A-have lost all regard for own lives or B- have no comprehension of fear.

However, over the last few years biking on campus has started to become more and more appealing, if for no other reason than simply because the walk to the boathouse from the southeast can sometimes push 20 minutes while the bike literally feels like 5. So, this week I decided to tempt fate and brought my little red Trek to Mad-Town.

I rode to class all week and I'm still alive! I did manage to rack up my first verbal warning from a biking police officer who rode past to remind me that I need stop for all stop signs and I may or may not have kinda run into someone on the sidewalk as I was trying to get to the street, but for the most part, I am still in one piece and have learned to almost love biking in Madison.

Date Morning with Jesus

So since being back from Colorado I have done a terrible job of fitting Date Nights into my schedule, and by terrible job, I mean there have been none. I have been doing a better job at spending time with the Lord in the Word, but as far as setting aside time to just sit with Jesus, somewhere without distractions and just listen to Him and journal, I didn't do that at all while I was home.

This morning I decided that a Date Morning with Jesus would be a great start to the week! I began by googling mountains near Madison, WI and unfortunately was unsuccessful in my search, so I decided to try something new, the Arboretum. Yes, I am a Junior and I have never been to the Arboretum. I'm not sure how that is, but it is. The Arb was definitely a great spot to sit and simply take in God's creation. Almost immediately as I got there, I got to watch a bunch of bumblebees flying all over some wild flowers, what a glorious sight and I actually remembered my camera, so I thought I would share some with you. It really was a great morning, just what I needed. Hopefully I will do a better job at making Date Nights a regular part of my schedule the rest of the semester.

PRIMETIME!!!!

For his returning
we watch and we pray
we will be ready the dawn of that day
and we'll join in singing with all the redeemed
Cause Satan is vanquished and Jesus is king!

So believe it or not, but I used to be absolutely terrified of the thought of living forever with Christ. Literally, terrified. I can remember sitting up so many nights in Junior High, crying all over with my faithful mom by my side, reassuring me that even though I couldn't understand the concept of eternity, it was not something to be afraid of. That, however, was not an acceptable answer for me so I would continue to attempt to wrap my mind around the infinity that is God, never succeeding only managing to send myself into a series of mini-anxiety attacks. As I continued to grow in my relationship with Christ, I was able to accept the fact that I will never be able to wrap my mind around God, that mystery is part of what makes God God.

Coming to terms with this fact allowed me to kind of lay down my wrestling match with eternity, but up to recently it has been really hard for me to actually look forward to eternity. Not that I didn't think it's going to be amazing, but it's just something I can't understand, and therefore have had a really hard time actually being excited for. In the last couple years, by God's grace, I have been able to actually believe myself when I say I am looking forward to living in eternity.

Tonight we had our first Primetime (Campus Crusade Meeting) and we sang the song "Sing to the King." The verse at the top of this post is from this song, could you just read one more time for me, and really think about it, please, for me.....Really, like how awesome is that? Can you imagine a day when Satan is vanquished??? Like no more, non-existent, no foothold on anyone's life, no death, no suffering, no anything, the only thing you have to think about, to pray about, to even dwell on is Jesus being King!!!! I'm pretty excited for that day, just so you know!!

Also, quick PS, this week Matthew 16 was part of my Bible in a year reading and tonight Adam Penning talked about it too, so I feel like I should tell you what I've been thinking.

Matthew 16:15-16--He said to them, "But who do you say that I am?" Simon Peter answered, "You are the Christ, the Son of the living God."

Who do you say He is? Seriously, who is Jesus to you, your Lord, your Savior, some guy who talk to everyone once in a while? I'm gonna challenge anyone who is reading this (all 5 of you) to seriously think about that this week. Write it down, tell Him who He is to you, cuz that's what I'm gonna try to do too.

Back to School

Good morning from Engineering Hall. Yes, that's right, I am finally back in school. I moved to campus Friday and attended the first class of my junior year, Problem Solving Using Computer Tools, this morning at 9:55 am. Officially a student again.

Do you ever feel like sometimes you see/hear/feel experience, I guess, something in your day that is like tailor made by God for you? You know, the glimpse of your favorite wildflower, the breeze on your face, a color in a sunset? Sometime this summer as I was basking in the beauty that is Colorado, Sally asked me that, and I realized that for me, one of those things is thunder storms. Every time I hear a huge thunder boom and see lightning streak through the sky, I feel God's power, experience His sovereignty, remember His eternal plan. Every single date night this summer that I spent on Gologotha ended with a lightning storm in the distance, so good! Then the entire month I was home, nothing. No flashes of lightning or cracks of thunder, only a couple weak showers. In fact, when I was driving to Minnesota with Meryl last week [so fun :)] I told her how much in storm withdrawal I was.

So, as I was sitting on the futon Friday night, contemplated the question of how ready I really was to actually go to class in less than a week, and God ended this storm drought. Right as I'm getting ready to jump back into the crazy pace of life on campus, God decides to light up the sky with His glory and remind me why I'm coming back to campus this semester. To live for Him and give Him all the glory. All the opportunities that I spent an entire summer getting excited about began to play through my mind and I am reassured that even though classes are gonna be rough and there will be seemingly endless headaches and late nights, God has me here this year because it is exactly where He wants me, where He is going to use me, and that is where I want to be.

I can't wait to see what this semester holds!! What AIA is going to look like with our leadership overhaul, who God is going to bring into my life...I want to give Him everything!

Ephesians 4:1
As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.

Father, I'm your prisoner, use my life.

Natural Mode Evangelism

One thing that really hit home for me this summer was realizing my value in Christ. I have heard over and over again how much God loves us, you know, even if I was the only person who would come to Christ through His death, He would still do it. I've heard it tons of times, and, although I've always known that and thought I believed it, this summer the fact the I am His beloved became something I truly believe.

This lack of belief in this amazing truth, I guess, was probably facilitated by the fact that I have never felt like "that girl." You know, the one who everyone wants to be with all the time, the one who has a boy who's face lights up when she walks into a room, or the one who can't help but hit the game winning shot every time. I've always felt on the outskirts, kinda just hanging around, there to call when you need me. But this summer as I began to truly grasp what it meant to be His, I realized I am the "that girl" to God. One night I got this picture in my head, you know in old movies or Leave it to Beaver type shows when people would go to a barbecue or something, the men would always be out back at the grill and the women would be in the kitchen or on the patio getting everything ready. The men would be talking about sports or news and eventually conversation turns to the women. I see God there and one of the other guys asks, "So, which one is yours?" pointing to the women, and I see God's face lighting up with a huge smile coming across His face and He's pointing me out, "That one, right there, she's mine." He can hardly contain Himself; He's so happy I'm His. That blew me away!! Some of you are probably thinking I'm crazy, but for me, that picture is completely God given and exactly what I needed to understand I'm His.

Anyway, the reason I'm telling you this is because of another story. This weekend I went to Madison's Crusade leadership retreat. All the branches of Crusade on campus got together to look forward to this school year. One thing we talked about was "Natural Mode Evangelism" which basically is living in such a way that you are evangelizing simply by the way you live and naturally turning to Christ in your everyday conversation. After we discussed this and some other ways we could live for God this semester, we prayed over every "topic" we had discussed. As we were praying over living in Natural Mode Evangelism, God put another picture in my head. This scene very similar to the one I described already, but this time it's me who's love cannot be contained. No matter who I was talking to or what we were talking about, I couldn't help but tell them how in love I am with the great guy I know named Jesus. They would see the smile that couldn't be wiped from my face and needed to know what put it there. He was always on my mind and my love for Him was basically oozing out, everyone I talked to was like, "Man, she's got it bad."

That's how I want to live. I want to be the epitome of Natural Mode Evangelism. I want everyone I come in contact with to know I'm falling madly in love with the Savior and Creator of the world! I want to be that girl.

fail....

So, I'm going to be honest with you all. Even though God has blessed me with a lot of great stuff this last week, I feel like these last few days have been a losing battle with Satan. I don't know that I can even put a finger on what's going on in my head or, maybe more importantly, in my heart, but Satan has been on the attack and I feel like I am failing.

Before leaving Project we basically took an entire night to talk about how coming home could be stressful, re-entry stress as Crusade has so fittingly termed it. The first week or so I was home, I felt like I pretty much dodged most of the stress and thought I was out of the clear, but the last few days, I feel like I walk around the house looking for a fight. Basically I wake up and I am already in a bad mood....which makes me more mad because I feel dumb for being mad about nothing, but I choose to stay in a bad mood, because that's of course the logical thing to do. And then there is Satan lying to me, and me stinkin' believing him. I hate when I buy into Satan's lies. I hate how easily he gets me to question myself, other people, my relationships with other people, anything! How can I go through an entire summer like the one I just had and grow so much, but still be so vulnerable to Satan's lies?

I don't know the answer to that, but I do have this that I found yesterday while reading:

Psalm 9:9-10
The LORD also will be a stronghold for the oppressed,
A stronghold in times of trouble;
And those who know Your name will put their trust in You,
For You, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You.

Father,
I know that you have never forsaken me, You are always there even when I don't feel You or when I feel like ignoring You. Father, please be my Stronghold. I love You and want to live for You, only You, I don't want to fall into the enemies lies.

On a slightly more upbeat note, I got to see Alex, Jake, and Allie baptized Sunday, what a blessing!! I'm so excited to see them giving Him everything :)

Just what I needed

Since being home from Project, the thing that has taken the most getting used to for me, is not having the community of 45 athletes and friends running around the house. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging with my family, but it's just not been the same. I miss my project family, and honestly, I'm a little bored without having ministry stuff planned every night.

Luckily, God always knows exactly what we need and He's blessed me with a great week! Even though adjusting has still been a little rough, getting to begin building community and step back into life here has been a lot of fun.

Tuesday I met up with Gina to go to the Brewers' game......unfortunately, the game was terrible, but getting to see Gina was great!!! The more friends from school I see, the more I am actually getting excited to start up classes again.

Wednesday I got to have coffee at Krista's with Miss Valerie Schultz :) It was a lot of fun to have a coffee date again, they were like an everyday essential in Colorado, but have been few and far between since. Honestly, if coffee dates (or your own unique social outing) aren't a regular part of your week, you should definitely consider them. It's so nice to sit and connect with a friend one-on-one and just talk about life, what you can see God doing (or wish you would see Him doing), even what your struggling with. The more I grow with Christ, the more I know I need to be surrounded and supported by others in order to fully experience Him.

Thursday I filled up a day running around in Madison, and ended it with seeing the movie (500) Days of Summer with Jillian (making this the first time in well over a year I got to see my new roomie) Great movie, I suggest it to anyone looking for a laugh and a cute story.

And today, I got to sell Threads of Hope bracelets all day with Mom at the Critical Mass concert at Paquette Park. I love selling Threads!!!! I have such a heart for that ministry, it makes me so happy to see people getting excited to help families an ocean away!!! Every time I talk about the Threads story, I am reminded about God's sovereignty and control. Although these are attributes I have had trouble comprehending and understanding this summer, when I see how God has worked His perfect timing in this organization, I am encouraged!

So yeah, God is good, imagine that.....


PS I also heard a bunch of sweet new bands at Critical Mass, here are links to a couple of my favorites and also a link for more information on Threads of Hope:

www.threadsofhope.com.ph

www.myspace.com/Loftland

www.brightlightparade.com

PPS As I have been talking with my friends from Project and living life myself, it is apparent the Satan is working hard to get in the way of and mess up some of the amazingness that has taken place this summer. If you wouldn't mind praying for strength and discernment and courage for all of us as we continue moving forward to school, I would love that!

"Sometimes facing reality can be quite discouraging."

The title of today's blog is a quote from the book "How Could a Loving God...?" by Ken Ham which I picked up last weekend during our family trip to the Creation Museum. Ham confronts the book's sub-title, Powerful Answers on Suffering and Loss, by combining Scriptural references and his own experience of dealing with the untimely death of his younger brother and ministry partner, Rob Ham.

As I began to dig into the book, I was honestly pretty disappointed. Ham takes a majority of the first three chapters, almost 60 pages, to tackle to logic of pain and suffering in this world. He begins in Genesis and moves through the fall of man and explains how sin is the ultimate reason for suffering. He reiterates over and over that when we look at loss and suffering through a "big picture" perspective, uncertainty surrounding trials seems almost silly. Though true and logical, these explanations don't offer a lot of insight into the more emotional and "human" side of suffering, which were promised in the extremely moving foreword and summary on the back of the book.

This morning, the light at the end of this "tunnel of logic" finally presented itself as Ham began to echo my own thoughts:

While the "big picture" put "the question" into a biblical framework, many other issues needed to be faced: What then should one expect out of life? Is this fair?

Throughout this chapter, Ham looked for advice in coping with his brother's degenerative and terminal brain disease by actually listening to a sermon Rob had given years earlier that focused on sin, sickness, and healing. Rob began this sermon much like his brother began this book, explaining that all sickness and death on earth is caused by sin, and although God does not promise exemption from disease to believers, He does "promise to comfort and strengthen us." Rob explains that "outside the Garden, the consequences of sin [not God's perfect design] dictate our destiny."

Ken continues the chapter discussing how some sins do see direct discipline on earth, but most disease and suffering are "simply" caused by sin in general, and though there are times when we suffer things that we didn't "earn" we are never sinless anyway. He continues this line of thinking for a few pages (now here's the real reason I am even discussing this), and makes this conclusion:

Fueled by frustration and feelings, these thoughts were tossed around in my mind. But as I continued to stand back and see the big picture (putting our specific situation into the broader biblical perspective), I was led to a conclusion that reflected God's perspective rather than my human one. Did Rob deserve to suffer the way he did? The answer is "yes."

Last night I had the privilege of seeing Star Trek at the drive-in with Mom and Nick, and today as I sat at Krista's reading this, I couldn't help but identify with poor Spock, torn between Vulcan logic and human emotion. Yes, what Mr. Ham is saying here is true, we deserve death (the ultimate suffering) for our sins, Romans 3:23 lays that out clearly, but do I really believe that anyone deserves the slow and painful death Rob Ham experienced? Could I look at a twenty-something girl torn apart by an abusive relationship or young father facing the loss of a premature baby and tell them that I truly believe because they are sinful they deserve what they are experiencing? The logic is sound, the scripture leads us to a sensible conclusion, but I don't think I can separate my emotion from this one. Suffering doesn't compute for me; I don't like when life hurts. I know it's necessary, I could probably even lead you through the apologetics of it all, but I don't think I will ever understand the "senseless," those things I see on the nightly news or read in the papers that make my heart break.

Since I started school, it has really been on my heart to read through the whole Bible. It’s something I have never done before, but seems like an essential for anyone who is going to claim the entire thing as what they base their whole life on, you know. Freshmen year I made it through the New Testament and I started going through the Old Testament as a counselor at Crescent Lake, but got lost somewhere in the Law as I returned to school. So, I decided last week to pick this feat up again, this time following a one-year plan which will hopefully offer a little more accountability. Every day, I will get to read some Old and New Testament and a little of both Psalms and Proverbs. I really like this format.

Tuesday morning, part of my reading was the first two chapters of Matthew. Obviously a part of the Bible I know pretty well, I don’t think I could count the number of times I have heard the Christmas story. As I was reading through the story of the Magi traveling to see Jesus, I was stopped in my tracks by a verse I think I have probably skipped over every time I read these chapters:

Matthew 2:10 When they saw the star, they rejoiced exceedingly with great joy.

When I read this verse, immediately I got this picture in my mind of these old guys with long beards and camels jumping around in the desert hugging each other and running around in circles, ecstatic. Now as I think back to it, I smile a little. I really do love this picture though. These guys had been studying and anticipating and waiting and probably praying for their King to appear, and now, when the prophecy begins to be fulfilled, they are rejoicing exceedingly with great joy. They didn’t doubt, they weren’t like, “Well, I dunno, maybe that’s the star, but probably not, let’s wait to hear it through the grapevine….” They were so convinced that God had finally “made good” on His promise that they immediately traveled hundreds of miles carrying burdensome and crazy expensive gifts for a baby they knew God was going to raise up.

As I sat back with my biscotti and coffee to reflect on this, I thought about how I respond to God’s moving in my life. Even thinking back to April and May when I was waiting for God to show me what He wanted for me this summer, when He finally did, I did not respond with rejoicing exceedingly with great joy. To be quite honest, I was probably a little mad at God for not following through with what I had planned for my summer. (Now I realize I was crazy for ever questioning God leading me to FoCo, however that is irrelevant to this rambling) But I had prayed for God to show me a clear path. To close doors and only open one, and when He did, it took me a while to praise Him, to even acknowledge that He had in fact answered my prayer exactly the way I asked. I had prayed that God would put me where He would use and teach me the most, I knew wherever God would lead, life would be good, but I chose to not focus on where God could be taking me, but on what I knew I would miss.

Do you think Jesus birth came at the perfect time for the wise men, did they miss anything in their lives because they had to leave to see a baby? Did any of them have weekends with the family or fishing buddies coming up? I’m guessing yeah. Their plans were probably messed up by the appearing of the star they had so eagerly awaited, but instead of focusing on those things they could be missing, they embraced this direction from God, gave everything they had and went.

How can I be that eager to serve God and offer my best when He throws me a curve ball and changes my plans?

Some of you may be thinking, well the wise men’s “curve ball” was good, they got to meet Jesus, what happens when the curveball is cancer or something that hurts to deal with or isn’t fun? Honestly, I’m kinda thinking that myself, but I’m also thinking should the circumstance God has me in or is leading me into change my reaction to His clear hand in my life? How often do I look at curve balls that most people would say are good, but hate them because of what they could mess up? What does it look like to respond to hard things I know are from Him with exceeding rejoicing? Is it possible not to fight God, even just a little, when life hurts, when I don’t want to go where He is taking me, when the curve ball not only gets thrown at me, but hits me in the face?

I don't have the answers to any of these questions tonight, but if God blesses me with the insight, I will be sure to let you know what He says.

Father,
Thank you so much for having a perfect plan for my life. So often I think I have it figured out and try to go on my own, without You. I pray that as I finish summer and return to school, that I would let You lead me. God, even when I am unsure or scared of where I am going, I pray that I would follow You. Please soften my heart so as I follow I would be rejoicing exceedingly with great joy, even when life hurts. I am Yours and I want to follow You with everything.

Definitely not the End

My dad asked me when I got home when I would be publishing my last blog and the only way I could think to respond was I don't know. Thank you all so much for following me this summer as I walked with God in Fort Collins. I have loved being able to share His work in my life with you all and plan on continuing for whoever will listen. Honestly, blogging is as much for me as for anyone who is reading right now. Many times this summer I didn't even realize what I was feeling, thinking, or seeing until I told you all. I love being able to share with others how great of a God I serve, so if you love reading about Him "Awesome!" and if not, then thanks for following this summer and feel free to come back whenever. I am planning on posting a couple times a week as school starts, maybe more maybe less depending on how everything goes. Feel free to keep commenting and bouncing ideas around as I continue to do the same for you all. I love you guys, thanks for all the love, support, and prayers!!!

The Last Week on Project

Hey everyone!! I am officially back in Wisconsin as of 5 AM Saturday morning. There is so much that happened the last week of project, I can't wait to tell you all about it. I couldn't pull myself away from everyone at the house in the last week to sit at Starbucks to grab internet time, so now you will just get one, long post.

Our last weekend in Fort Collins was so good! Saturday was a free day, so I went to Denver with Sally to watch Ben, Taylor, Jason, Lauren, and Jenny play in a 3v3 soccer tournament. They did so well, and it was such a blast! The team finished the tournament in third!


That night, we also got to stay in Denver to watch Colorado's MLS team, the Rapids. I have never been to a pro soccer game, so it was a new experience and a lot of fun. The game was great, the Rapids won 4-0.

Sunday after church we all went back to the Poudre one more time. Over the last month or so of project, people began talking about being baptized before we left, so 14 people got baptized Sunday and I was one of them. Though I was baptized when I was younger, I made a new commitment to Christ on Sunday. This summer changed my life and my commitment to Him is so much greater than it has ever been. I realized this summer what it really means to surrender it all to Him and truly give Him my life. God put it on my heart to acknowledge my complete commitment to Him with baptism. It was AMAZING!!! God has used so many of the people who surrounded me this summer to change my life, and being surrounded by them on Sunday in one of the most beautiful places I've ever known, made His presence there completely evident.

On Monday, we started our last week with a talk from Amado about having a Heart for the Future. This is a talk that I was really excited for! As part of the leadership team, one of our jobs was to schedule the evenings during the week. When we sat down to do the schedule 3 weeks ago, we thought it would be sweet to have our last talk back at the place this summer really began, on top of Golgotha. It was great! Amado did an awesome job getting us ready to go home and use everything God equipped us with this summer and getting to worship and fellowship one last time on Golgotha was the perfect way to start our week of saying goodbye.

Tuesday we had our final banquet at the Tapestry House. It was beautiful!! I don't know how our banquet committee worked it out, but it was a great place to have one last party. After many many pictures and a dinner filled with skits, memories, and a great slide show of pretty much everything that happened this summer, we had one more dance party. So fun!

By Wednesday and Thursday, it started to hit us all the we were actually leaving Friday morning, so the mood at any given time in the house moved between reminiscing, looking forward to being home, and dreading the moment when we would leave 708 City Park for good. Most of us, including myself, tried to fit as many lunch/coffee/walking in the park dates into our last couple days as we could. Spending quality time the the people God put in our lives this summer definitely took precedence over silly things like packing or sleep.

The relationships I built this summer are unlike any I've ever known. This last week I thought more about how Colorado was exactly where I was supposed to be this summer. God taught me so much, refined me, and worked me more into the woman He created me to be, and He surrounded me with just the right people to walk alongside or just ahead of me the whole time. It hit me sometime in the middle of the week, that Fort Collins was also exactly where 44 other college athletes were supposed to be this summer. When I though about how God had perfect plans for all of us and unique ways He worked in each one of us the over last 8 weeks left me in amazement one more time. God worked so much in just 8 weeks and one house, I love it, that's all I really know to say!

I won't lie, leaving Friday morning was tough. I am so excited to be home and was excited to go home, but I wasn't excited to leave. Saying last good byes and giving hugs to everyone one last time, especially without knowing when we would be able to see everyone next, was hard. We all walked out the door with promises of following on facebook and skype and texting, but we all know that this summer can never be replicated. I love that and I hate it so much. This summer was probably the best of my life and will keep that status for a long time I think. I can't imagine me without this experience but I know I can't live on project forever, so as young Wilbur Robinson might suggest, I will keep moving forward, falling deeper in love with my King, doing what He calls me to do. I'll keep messing up and drowning in grace. I can't wait to see how He will use this summer for His glory.

Monday night went really well, thanks for all your prayers!! Lauren did a great job talking, and her words really resonated in the house. So many people felt the impact of her message in their own lives and were challenged by what she had to say. So thanks again for your prayer support :)

Tuesday a bunch of the girls were planning on taking the afternoon to float down the Poudre, but because of weather, we didn't get to :( However, I did get to meet for Boba Tea with the amazing, now AIA staff, Amy Lewis!!! It was great to catch up with Amy and see where God has been moving us both this summer.

Wednesday Sally and I went to Cheyenne to watch an Air Show there. We could only stay for a couple hours in the morning, but we got to watch the skydiving show, it was so much fun!! I got some good pictures, but for got to bring my camera to Bucks, so I will try to get some posted next time I blog.

Wednesday night was our last official date night with Jesus. I returned one more time to a hill on the Horsetooth reservoir known to all of us on Project as Golgotha. This hill is the site of the last event in the SPECIAL that we did the first week we were here. Ending the SPECIAL and surrendering everything to God on that hill the first week was huge for me, it set me up for so much growth this summer, it opened up my heart to everything God had for me. I thought there was no better place to go than there for my last date in Fort Collins with Him.

I started the night talking with Christ and moved later to my journal. Before writing anything, I read through my thoughts that first week I was here. Reading my memories of the SPECIAL and my experience on Golgotha was overwhelming. Rememebering how He moved in my life those first few days was amazing, refreshing, and just what I needed! I think one of the biggest things for me that I experienced through the SPECIAL was the relaity and significance of Christ's sacrifice on the cross. I was so broken through the SPECIAL, I can't even imagine what He lived through so that I could be called His.

Here is part of my journal entry from my very first date night with Jesus, the second Wednesday we were here, days after I finished the SPECIAL.

Returning to Golgotha

I'm here to meet with you
Come and meet with me
I'm here to find you
Reveal yourself to me

Coming back, I sit and wait for You, longing for You to reveal Yourself to me, to speak to my soul and touch my heart as You did only a few days ago. With my back to the road, the occasional car goes almost unnoticed as I peer into Your creation and am assured that You have indeed shown up to our date. You have arrived with the robe of a sunset capturing colors I can’t name, the might of the mountains which overwhelm me, and the serenity, grace, and agony of a place that will never be the same for me.

Golgotha.

Not the Roman hill atop which You faced Your greatest foe, but the one You carried me up not long ago. It is here I am reminded what the place of skulls really was for You. That hill wasn’t the beautiful place the songs make it out to be. On that day, on that hill, Your mother watched her son, the one brought to her as a miracle, stumble, half dead, through the streets carrying his own electric chair. Your men watched their Rabbi, their Leader, leave them in chaos. You’re people watched, hopeless. They did not understand Your ways, far above anything they knew. There You stood, fell, cried, in anguish enduring the worst anyone has ever experienced. As I sit here attempting to name that emotion, those feelings, I find myself at a loss. How can my feeble human words describe what it was like for the Son to face the crucifixion and to be tortured through His separation from the Father? Can I really understand what shattering the trinity apart is like?

No.

So I come back to Colorado and stare down my own Golgotha. With the twinkle of the city lights below and the mountains towering around me, I realize how truly small my own feat seems now. And yet, the lightning across the sky reminds me of Your power. Through my insignificant feat, Jesus, You have changed my life forever. I know I will never understand the sacrifice You made so that I can sit on this mountain, on a date with You, but I am assured of one thing:

There is no option but to drown in Your love, to grab everything You offer, to embrace life and live only for You. I would be insane to reject this reality, this sacrifice, this truth. I am His.

As I wait, you make me strong
As I long, draw me to your arms
As I stand and sing your praise
You come, you come and you fill this place

This is a picture Sally took from Golgotha that night.