What a week...

Hey all, sorry it's been a little while since you heard from me last, I have been kinda all over this week, but I have been having tons of fun and growing a lot. First let me catch you up on life, then bear with me while I try to share a God story that I have been trying to articulate for days. Hopefully it will come out as more than random thoughts all thrown together on a computer screen, but I make no promises.

Tuesday night we all got to get dressed up fancy to go to an Italian restaurant in Old Town for a recruiting dessert where we learned more about opportunities inside Campus Crusade and Athletes in Action. It was fun to hear about all the options that AIA has for us to be used by God and it was even better to see all the seeds that got planted in people's hearts. Afterwards, we went back to the house and busted out into a dance party, it was great. I'm pretty sure it was the first time in 10 years I did the "Macerena." Luckily, I still remember the dance that was burned into my memory through all those John Muir Sock Hops ;)

Wednesday I got to babysit for Jon and Meghan Easterhaus, a staff family that is on project who actually just got placed on the CSU campus. God finally blessed them with a house in the area, so as they moved all their things from storage, I got to keep their boys, Jack and Finn, company. It was a good morning, but I definitely was reminded how exhausting keeping tracks of little guys can be. However, the exhaustion was well worth it when Jack gave me a Tinkerbell Pez dispenser that night at dinner to say thanks. Wednesday night was another date night with Jesus, which I'll talk about in bit.

Yesterday was my first day at Boys and Girls Club, and I can't wait to go back. After helping serve lunch and supervising reading time, I spent the day moving between the art room and gym. I really had a good time and can't wait to see what relationships God brings into my life the through next 3 weeks.

To move not at all smoothly into the aforementioned God story, let me tell you a little more about Tuesday and Wednesday night. Long story semi-short, after having a great night Tuesday, I tried to journal quick before bed but instead I opened my journal and God hit me with basically everything I have struggled with in the last year in the span of about 2 minutes. After going to bed with my mind scrambled and waking up still in a little bit of a rut, God blessed me with His reassuring presence as I trotted down to Starbucks later that afternoon. Right there in the middle of City Park Ave, it was like God was there with me, wrapping me in the hug I had needed for hours, reminding me that His plan for me is in fact perfect and that He has plenty of time to work those plans into my life. Luckily I didn't break down right there in the middle of the road, but I did feel like this big huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I went through the rest of the day with a renewed spirit, and ended on a high note, spending my date night sitting on top of Horsetooth talking with God. After journaling and praying for a while, He brought me to Psalm 40, which was exactly the scripture I needed to hear.

While talking about this experience and life in general with Sally on a walk early Thursday morning, somehow we started talking about being comfortable where God has you in life. Normally, I associate this concept about waiting to see God's plan in my life, letting Him bring opportunities to me as I continue to be faithful to Him. However, as I pondered over some recent struggles, especially Tuesday night and how much it stunk in contrast to where He led me Wednesday afternoon, it hit me for perhaps the hundredth time that my greatest growth comes when I walk through the midst of stinky situations with God.

Now, here come the questions. If, when I am going into trials, I know that when I come out of them I will at least appreciate if not love where God took me when I let myself go there and that He will meet me and pull me up (which I do), how come I run so fast from those things? Why does it take God chasing me so far and leaving me with no other option than to turn to Him before I will take off my comfortable mask and let myself go where it is going to hurt if I know that the hurt won't be the ultimate end?

Later that morning as I sat journaling these questions at Starbucks, I thought back to my conversation with Sal about being comfortable with where God has me and realized that this applies to the midst of trials too. Along with being open to God's leading for my future, I have to be open to God leading me to places where I don't feel ok. Tuesday night, if you would have seen me journaling and reading and praying and yes even crying, you would have seen that I was not ok, but I ask you, is that a bad place to be?

I feel like in the world today, especially in America, many would say it is a bad place to be. I think many people might tell you that you're always supposed to be at least ok. That even if life isn't treating you well, you are supposed to hold it together, put on the happy face, and keep going as you ignore whatever is tearing you apart inside. Honestly, sometimes that is easier than dealing with whatever is tearing you apart, but if God is trying to teach me something, what do I learn from pretending everything is ok? As I sit and try to answer this question, the only answer I can come up with is that we have to come to a place where we are ok with not being ok. Normally we won't like not being ok, but I think only when we let ourselves go there and can we let God get us out of there.

I will leave you with this, the verses on the page in my journal I was writing on Wednesday morning:

1 Peter 1:6-7
In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;