Monday night went really well, thanks for all your prayers!! Lauren did a great job talking, and her words really resonated in the house. So many people felt the impact of her message in their own lives and were challenged by what she had to say. So thanks again for your prayer support :)

Tuesday a bunch of the girls were planning on taking the afternoon to float down the Poudre, but because of weather, we didn't get to :( However, I did get to meet for Boba Tea with the amazing, now AIA staff, Amy Lewis!!! It was great to catch up with Amy and see where God has been moving us both this summer.

Wednesday Sally and I went to Cheyenne to watch an Air Show there. We could only stay for a couple hours in the morning, but we got to watch the skydiving show, it was so much fun!! I got some good pictures, but for got to bring my camera to Bucks, so I will try to get some posted next time I blog.

Wednesday night was our last official date night with Jesus. I returned one more time to a hill on the Horsetooth reservoir known to all of us on Project as Golgotha. This hill is the site of the last event in the SPECIAL that we did the first week we were here. Ending the SPECIAL and surrendering everything to God on that hill the first week was huge for me, it set me up for so much growth this summer, it opened up my heart to everything God had for me. I thought there was no better place to go than there for my last date in Fort Collins with Him.

I started the night talking with Christ and moved later to my journal. Before writing anything, I read through my thoughts that first week I was here. Reading my memories of the SPECIAL and my experience on Golgotha was overwhelming. Rememebering how He moved in my life those first few days was amazing, refreshing, and just what I needed! I think one of the biggest things for me that I experienced through the SPECIAL was the relaity and significance of Christ's sacrifice on the cross. I was so broken through the SPECIAL, I can't even imagine what He lived through so that I could be called His.

Here is part of my journal entry from my very first date night with Jesus, the second Wednesday we were here, days after I finished the SPECIAL.

Returning to Golgotha

I'm here to meet with you
Come and meet with me
I'm here to find you
Reveal yourself to me

Coming back, I sit and wait for You, longing for You to reveal Yourself to me, to speak to my soul and touch my heart as You did only a few days ago. With my back to the road, the occasional car goes almost unnoticed as I peer into Your creation and am assured that You have indeed shown up to our date. You have arrived with the robe of a sunset capturing colors I can’t name, the might of the mountains which overwhelm me, and the serenity, grace, and agony of a place that will never be the same for me.

Golgotha.

Not the Roman hill atop which You faced Your greatest foe, but the one You carried me up not long ago. It is here I am reminded what the place of skulls really was for You. That hill wasn’t the beautiful place the songs make it out to be. On that day, on that hill, Your mother watched her son, the one brought to her as a miracle, stumble, half dead, through the streets carrying his own electric chair. Your men watched their Rabbi, their Leader, leave them in chaos. You’re people watched, hopeless. They did not understand Your ways, far above anything they knew. There You stood, fell, cried, in anguish enduring the worst anyone has ever experienced. As I sit here attempting to name that emotion, those feelings, I find myself at a loss. How can my feeble human words describe what it was like for the Son to face the crucifixion and to be tortured through His separation from the Father? Can I really understand what shattering the trinity apart is like?

No.

So I come back to Colorado and stare down my own Golgotha. With the twinkle of the city lights below and the mountains towering around me, I realize how truly small my own feat seems now. And yet, the lightning across the sky reminds me of Your power. Through my insignificant feat, Jesus, You have changed my life forever. I know I will never understand the sacrifice You made so that I can sit on this mountain, on a date with You, but I am assured of one thing:

There is no option but to drown in Your love, to grab everything You offer, to embrace life and live only for You. I would be insane to reject this reality, this sacrifice, this truth. I am His.

As I wait, you make me strong
As I long, draw me to your arms
As I stand and sing your praise
You come, you come and you fill this place

This is a picture Sally took from Golgotha that night.

This weekend was soooooo good!! Friday night kicked off the weekend with Men's/Women's night. Lyndse ran and spoke at Women's night and she did such a good job!!! She shared a little of her own testimony and really related struggles in our own lives to truly understanding and valuing the fact that we, as children of the King, are His beloved and what that means for our own lives. Not gonna lie, I have sat through so many Women's night type things, that often I tune out or half-heartedly listen to things I tell myself I've heard a million times before, but Friday night was just what I needed. Lyndse did such a great job relating to everyone in the room and making the subject and our identity in Christ so REAL.

Saturday we has another outreach. 10 of us traveled to a small town a couple hours away to run an "Ultimate Training Day-Camp" with a small-town school of about 40 athletes. The stories coming back were so good. Our students taught a couple of the Principles to middle school and high school kids while helping them with training and technique in their own sports. They ended the day with a mini-SPECIAL which went great and really impacted the kids.

The rest of us went to Denver for the day to do some inner-city and street ministry. I was in a group that went to a park to play Kickball with some neighborhood kids in the morning. So much fun loving on the kids and just giving them and outlet for the afternoon. After that, we went downtown to the 16th street mall (much like Madison's very own State St) to start conversations with people and try to bring the Gospel in. I had some good conversations with people started with a game called Salarium, which works to relate pictures to people's view of themselves and God in order to discuss salvation.

Sunday after church, the whole house went on a whitewater rafting trip for the day, SO fun!!! We went down the beloved Poudre for the afternoon, going through rapids pretty consistently, some as high as Class III. I fell out once when we hit a rapid sideways, and then was pushed out TWICE by the two "gentlemen" in our boat, all three times without any negative repercussions besides being soaked and maybe a slight lack of trust for the others in my boat ;) No, but really it was a lot of fun just to mess around and hangout all day with our boat mates. I don't think there was anyone who stayed dry all day, but everyone had fun. By the time we got to the drop-off point, we were all soaked and pretty cold, I think the water was only about 55 while the air was almost 90, but it was a great day to just have fun with everyone and not have to worry or be stressed about responsibilities in the house.

That night, there was a big worship service in City Park called "Praise in the Park." A local church organized the event for all the churches in the area to come together to form a worship choir and band and then lead worship from a big stage for the evening. Seeing the park filled with people all worshiping together, united for Christ, regardless of denomination or background or age or whatever, was so encouraging. It reminded me that no matter what is going on in life, in the house, any apprehension I'm feeling or struggles I'm facing, at the end of the day, it's all about HIM.

Now, it's Monday again. This morning I spent some time with God, reading, writing, whatever, and then hung out with Bryttany for a while. Now, obviously, I'm spending some internet time at Starbucks and tonight Lauren is talking about Heart for Growth. I have been working with her a little in the past week to help her put everything together, I am so excited!!! God has given her some great stuff to say and I think this is the perfect time for this talk in the house. I would really appreciate it if you could, please pray that God will be with her and give her words to speak; also, that He would open and prepare the hearts of everyone in the house.

Monday night went pretty well, Mark and Kelsey both spoke with great passion for the leadership of seen in different Old Testament Figures. Thanks to everyone for the prayers.

Tuesday I went to Boys and Girls Club in the morning, did ministry stuff in the afternoon, and then that night we finally had a campfire at the Poudre river (we have planned two campfires this summer and really only completes about half of one). It was a lot of fun to chill with everyone and then do some late night worship. Wednesday I served at the Boys and Girls Club in the morning and did some planning for next week's activities in the afternoon with Lauren.

Wednesday night was date night with Jesus. Meryl was great and let me borrow her car to drive out to the Poudre all alone, which was much needed. I drove out to a rock on the river that Meg shared with Sal, Hannah, and me last week and just sat and talked to Jesus. Over the last week and a half and especially the last couple days, God has been bringing some of things from my past to the forefront of my mind, things that I have tried to forget or convinced myself that I was over that I have really not healed from or given to Him. I really just sat and had a heart to heart with Him about what is going on. In the midst of the mountains with whitewater rapids drowning out my words, I felt like I was actually able to be real with the Savior and myself. It was a great night.

Today, I cleared my schedule for things I needed to get done around the house-laundry, letter writing, Boba tea with Kristin, Liz and Sally, reading, coffee with Daniel, lunch with Kristen, and now blogging with Sally. Lots of little things that needed to happen. Tonight is the first Bible study meetings lead by students. I'm excited to be meeting with some new girls but I will for sure miss our old Action Group.

I'm not really the queen of transitions into deep stuff, so here is my deep stuff for today:

It's funny, the more I live in this house and talk to people and live life and grow with everyone the more I think that in order to be fully surrendered to and living for God, there will always be something in your life that's basically "messed up." It seems like as everyone in the house is at this pinnacle of spiritual growth, like the closest we've ever been with God in our lives ever, the more broken and messed up we all are. Like really, no one here has the story of "I'm not struggling with anything right now." In fact, a lot of us may have thought that 6 weeks ago, but now as we ask God to let us know Him, He is there in our face, challenging us, telling us how not ok we really are. I guess I've never thought of spiritual growth as a struggle before, I think I probably saw it as the opposite, like I will grow the most when I have the most "figured out." But as I grow through this summer and try to satisfy my hunger for Christ, the more I need to be satisfied, the more I cry out to Him, the more I feel there is no other way I could get through the next 24 hours, the next 5 minutes without Him.

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

The end and beginning

This weekend was pretty chill. On Saturday night we had out final banquet with the staff. We went out to a small banquet hall in the mountains, it was a beautiful spots for some pre-banquet pics. The picture to the left is my Bible study, all together for one last time.

The whole night was a lot of fun. As we sat down for dinner, we left the floor open for people to share testimonies of how God has moved and revealed himself throughout the summer. Even though we all know that God is doing great things this summer, to really hear the stories and learn even more about our brothers and sisters in Christ, God's movement definitely came alive. I was personally struck again by God's sovereignty and plan for all of our lives. Listening to others, and even looking at my own project story, it's clear that Fort Collins is exactly where we are all supposed to be at this exact moment in out lives. The fresh reminders of God's greatness, made the worship service after dinner so powerful. Finally, we ended the banquet with a slide show of pictures. It's crazy to think of how much we really have done this summer, remembering the pictures of the SPECIAL the first week felt like I was remembering months ago instead of just 5 weeks! After the banquet, we were supposed to have a campfire, but because of the insane wind, we were forced to put those plans to rest. So instead, we cleared the tables in the banquet room and had, you guessed it, a dance party. By the end of this summer, I will either be in love with dancing or never want to do it again, I'll let you know which I choose in about 3 weeks ;)

Sunday I went to the college age Sunday school and we discussed God being "El Roi" the God who sees. It was really interesting to read the story of Hagar in a new light and to be reminded that God really knows what we are going through and sees us always. Then instead of going to the service, this week I spent helped out in the nursery. After church, I decided to take the afternoon off, almost everybody was out for the afternoon, so the house was pretty quite. It was so nice to just nap and read and chill for the afternoon; I love the constant activity of the house, but getting to taking some time to do nothing was much needed.

After a quick "New Project" meeting at 7 to kick off our three weeks without the staff, we geared up to spend the one last night with the staff. We pretty much spent the night hanging out on the big couch chatting and running through the great memories we have all made so far. Then this morning, all the single staff that live in the house officially moved out of the house. Even though I am really excited to see where God takes the project the next three weeks as the students lead, I can't even imagine project without these Godly leaders and friends. God has blessed me with some great relationships here that I know are going to continue to grow and last way past August 1st when we all go home.

Tonight is the first meeting that will be lead by our leadership team. Please pray that God would be with Mark, Mike, and Kelsey as they are speaking and that He would continue to guide our steps and decisions as a leadership team.

Week Five Already

Since I was running out of time Tuesday, I didn't get to put up too many pics from date night, so are some more

Water balloon to end the fun at Fort Fun.

Catching a few pics before dinner with the beautiful roses from the boys :) Somehow I missed the pink/purple memo, but don't we all look so good, really??
Finally, in front of the Old Town fountains getting ready for ice cream.

As I look through the pictures of our date, picking and choosing which ones to post, I am reminded again how great of a day and night it really was.

Around the house this week we are all preparing ourselves for perhaps the biggest "event" of project. On Monday, all staff leave. That's right, after 12PM Monday, no more staff families for dinner, no more staff leadership, no more contact with the staff who have been pouring into us the last five weeks. On Monday, all leadership and running of project shifts to us, the students.

So, this week, we are setting that transition up. On Monday, Colby talked about having a "Heart to Serve," which was great, intense, challenging, and so good. He talked about truly being willing and ready to serve God with everything and open your whole life up to Him as well as leading as servants like Christ. After he rocked out worlds with that, Colby handed us each a piece of paper with our assigned job on it that we were supposed to take and open somewhere else, and really just talk to God about what we thought about it.

Honestly I didn't really know what to expect as I sat on the porch and talked with God before I looked at my job. The closer we get to the staff leaving, the more it hits me of how big a transition it really will be. At the way beginning of project, you know, it was like "Oh man, we will be fine, the house basically runs itself anyway," and then you actually live in the house and see all the staff does to make life run, and all of the sudden, the staff leaving really is a big deal. (Not to mention, I will also miss them all more than I can say.) But anyway, I really had no idea what to expect for a job. The staff said they really talked with God a lot before assigning jobs and truly tried to seek His will for all of out lives, so I was excited and crazy-nervous all at the same time.

Anyway, eventually I opened up my scroll and saw that I was assigned to be one of the four Women's Directors on project. Within minutes, the fact that I was going to be one of the people literally in charge was hard to comprehend. I was so excited that God had chosen to use me to help lead the house, I was nervous because God had chosen to use me to help lead the house, and for a minute I even thought that maybe the staff had made a mistake. But as I went through and processed for most of Tuesday, God brought a peace and readiness to my heart.

We have talked a lot this summer about being God's beloved, His valued and loved children whom He leads through life with His mighty right hand. As I thought Tuesday about my road to the being on the project leadership team, and even just how I came to be at project, I was reassured and comforted and empowered once again by the fact that God's hand in my life is undeniable. Even when I feel like I can't handle where God is taking me, I can look at my past and see God moving in my life and know that in Him the is nothing to fear. Not that life in Him will be easy and painless, but it will be His perfect will.

As I sat in our first official leadership meeting last night, the only one we will have with staff, I experienced a full range of emotions. I know I went between at least nervous, excited, surprised, and maybe even a little terrified. It was great to hear where everyone else was at, how similar and how different we all felt when we found out where we were assigned, and finally how ready we are all to be used by God. I can't wait to see how God uses everyone in their own positions in the house the next 3 weeks.

July 7th, 2009

Hey everybody, we have had a lot of activity in the house since my last post, so I'm warning you this may be another long one.

This holiday weekend was such a blast, it was filled up with fun!!! Saturday morning 16 people from the house ran in the "Firecracker 5k" that takes place every year in Fort Collins. It started and ended at City Park, which is like a 5 minute walk from the house, so I got to go watch and cheer with others who weren't running; it was so much fun. We made signs and yelled our brains out, which was unfortunately the beginning of the end for my voice. It was so exciting to cheer on our brothers and sisters in the house, and we got to celebrate a lot of success too. Kyle Mena, a senior from Eastern Michigan University, won the race, Linsey Smith, from UW-Madison here for AIA new-staff training, won the women's side of the race, Meghan Jacob, a Junior from Wayne State in Nebraska took third overall for women, and Dee Hammonds, a staffer from Dayton-Ohio, and Lauren Beechey, a Junior from Ohio State, each placed second and third in their own age categories. Watching these awesome finishes and the awards ceremony made for a great time!!!

That afternoon we had an outreach, some people played pick-up games of soccer, tennis, or ultimate Frisbee in the park, while others ran free car wash at the house. At either option, we tried to take the downtime and steer conversations toward Christ and the Gospel. I got to be part of the car wash, it was so much fun. I washed car for a little while, but most of the day I was jumping up and down in the street yelling and holding a sign trying to get people to come and let us wash their cars, the final nail in the coffin for my voice. We had so many people come and get their cars washed, which lead to some great conversations throughout the day. Although we didn't have anyone make faith decisions, countless seeds were planted.

Finally, we got to watch a beautiful fireworks display in City Park. Though I missed the coordination to oldies that I get with Rhythm and Booms back home, the fireworks were the perfect cap to an exhausting day.

On Sunday, after going to church, the men's Bible study groups each took a women's Bible study group out for a date. Earlier in the week, the men were matched up with groups and had to plan and ask out a girl's group on a date. The purpose for the date really was for the guys to take us, their sisters in Christ, out on a date to show us how we as daughters of the King deserve to be treated in relationships. So, most of the guys got super-creative in how they asked the girls out and in what they planned.

Our guys, Rob and Cody, (all groups had like a 1:2 guy:girl ratio because that is almost the ratio of the project) asked us out with a really cute note and then took us out on a great date that lasted most of the day. We started at "Fort Fun," an amusement park quite reminiscent of most of Wisconsin Dells, where we took on the boys in Go-Karts, Mini-Golf, and a final water balloon fight. It really was a lot of fun, just hanging out with the boys and spending more quality time with our Bible study group.

After "Fort Fun," the boys took us home and told us to get dressed up for dinner, but wouldn't tell us anymore than that. When we came down for dinner, the boys greeted us each with 3 roses with notes attached. It was so great and cute, and I loved it!!! Then we all went to dinner at a local Italian place in Old Town that was so good. None of us had been there before, but the boys did a great job picking it out. Afterwards, we went for a walk to get ice cream and sat in front of some fountains enjoying our ice cream and having great conversation, I think we sat there for almost an hour talking about everything we could think of. The whole day was really perfect. The man were perfect gentlemen the whole time, opening doors and the whole nine yards (Cody was even carrying my purse for a large amount of time throughout Mini-Golf :) )

I really loved the whole experience!!! It was perhaps the first time that I truly have felt valued like that as a deserving daughter of the King, I will definitely hold a little higher standard from now on.

Ok, well I am running out of time and Sal and I need to get back to the house for some ministry training time. I will fill you all in on Monday and today later this week.

-Randi

What a week...

Hey all, sorry it's been a little while since you heard from me last, I have been kinda all over this week, but I have been having tons of fun and growing a lot. First let me catch you up on life, then bear with me while I try to share a God story that I have been trying to articulate for days. Hopefully it will come out as more than random thoughts all thrown together on a computer screen, but I make no promises.

Tuesday night we all got to get dressed up fancy to go to an Italian restaurant in Old Town for a recruiting dessert where we learned more about opportunities inside Campus Crusade and Athletes in Action. It was fun to hear about all the options that AIA has for us to be used by God and it was even better to see all the seeds that got planted in people's hearts. Afterwards, we went back to the house and busted out into a dance party, it was great. I'm pretty sure it was the first time in 10 years I did the "Macerena." Luckily, I still remember the dance that was burned into my memory through all those John Muir Sock Hops ;)

Wednesday I got to babysit for Jon and Meghan Easterhaus, a staff family that is on project who actually just got placed on the CSU campus. God finally blessed them with a house in the area, so as they moved all their things from storage, I got to keep their boys, Jack and Finn, company. It was a good morning, but I definitely was reminded how exhausting keeping tracks of little guys can be. However, the exhaustion was well worth it when Jack gave me a Tinkerbell Pez dispenser that night at dinner to say thanks. Wednesday night was another date night with Jesus, which I'll talk about in bit.

Yesterday was my first day at Boys and Girls Club, and I can't wait to go back. After helping serve lunch and supervising reading time, I spent the day moving between the art room and gym. I really had a good time and can't wait to see what relationships God brings into my life the through next 3 weeks.

To move not at all smoothly into the aforementioned God story, let me tell you a little more about Tuesday and Wednesday night. Long story semi-short, after having a great night Tuesday, I tried to journal quick before bed but instead I opened my journal and God hit me with basically everything I have struggled with in the last year in the span of about 2 minutes. After going to bed with my mind scrambled and waking up still in a little bit of a rut, God blessed me with His reassuring presence as I trotted down to Starbucks later that afternoon. Right there in the middle of City Park Ave, it was like God was there with me, wrapping me in the hug I had needed for hours, reminding me that His plan for me is in fact perfect and that He has plenty of time to work those plans into my life. Luckily I didn't break down right there in the middle of the road, but I did feel like this big huge burden had been lifted from my shoulders. I went through the rest of the day with a renewed spirit, and ended on a high note, spending my date night sitting on top of Horsetooth talking with God. After journaling and praying for a while, He brought me to Psalm 40, which was exactly the scripture I needed to hear.

While talking about this experience and life in general with Sally on a walk early Thursday morning, somehow we started talking about being comfortable where God has you in life. Normally, I associate this concept about waiting to see God's plan in my life, letting Him bring opportunities to me as I continue to be faithful to Him. However, as I pondered over some recent struggles, especially Tuesday night and how much it stunk in contrast to where He led me Wednesday afternoon, it hit me for perhaps the hundredth time that my greatest growth comes when I walk through the midst of stinky situations with God.

Now, here come the questions. If, when I am going into trials, I know that when I come out of them I will at least appreciate if not love where God took me when I let myself go there and that He will meet me and pull me up (which I do), how come I run so fast from those things? Why does it take God chasing me so far and leaving me with no other option than to turn to Him before I will take off my comfortable mask and let myself go where it is going to hurt if I know that the hurt won't be the ultimate end?

Later that morning as I sat journaling these questions at Starbucks, I thought back to my conversation with Sal about being comfortable with where God has me and realized that this applies to the midst of trials too. Along with being open to God's leading for my future, I have to be open to God leading me to places where I don't feel ok. Tuesday night, if you would have seen me journaling and reading and praying and yes even crying, you would have seen that I was not ok, but I ask you, is that a bad place to be?

I feel like in the world today, especially in America, many would say it is a bad place to be. I think many people might tell you that you're always supposed to be at least ok. That even if life isn't treating you well, you are supposed to hold it together, put on the happy face, and keep going as you ignore whatever is tearing you apart inside. Honestly, sometimes that is easier than dealing with whatever is tearing you apart, but if God is trying to teach me something, what do I learn from pretending everything is ok? As I sit and try to answer this question, the only answer I can come up with is that we have to come to a place where we are ok with not being ok. Normally we won't like not being ok, but I think only when we let ourselves go there and can we let God get us out of there.

I will leave you with this, the verses on the page in my journal I was writing on Wednesday morning:

1 Peter 1:6-7
In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ;