Summer Already?

October 31st-What did I do today you ask?

Well, I'm glad you asked because I spent most of my day working on an application for a summer internship. Where you ask, well I'll make you guess, here's a few hints:

-The first question on the application is-How did you come to know Jesus Christ and how to you live that out today?

-The application requires a reference from a spiritual mentor/pastor.

-If accepted, I will spend my summer in Colorado.

Think you have it figured? What if I said that this internship will be a direct application of my engineering degree? Yep that's right! I am applying for a summer internship with an organization called Engineering Ministries International, a firm of professional engineers, full time missionary engineers, devoted to using their skills and gifts to serve the poorest of the poor throughout the world.

This is an organization I have fallen in love with the past couple years and I am so excited to finally qualify to apply for one of their internships. The applications aren't even due until January, so I probably won't hear back about it anytime soon, but I thought I would let you all know, because I am really excited about it and I would love for you to uphold me and this opportunity up in prayer.

Please pray that God would reveal to me how He wants me to spend my summer. I really feel like this is it, but if it's not, I will need God to make that insanely apparent. Also, this opportunity will mean another summer of support raising, please pray that God would already begin to soften and prepare hearts of future supporters. Finally, prayers for patience would also be much appreciated. In case you don't know me, I love having a plan. Even though summer basically half a year away, if I could have it entirely figured out right now, I would, so waiting for a response and revelation of God's plan will be a struggle for me.

Thanks!

Life on University

So today as I was walking on campus and I realized how many people I see each day. Seriously walking from class to class I see hundreds of people, but do I really see them? Normally I am so busy as I walk down the streets, my mind is bouncing between classes, homework, plans for AIA or the weekend, figuring out when I'm going to get a nap in you know, important stuff ;) that I just pay no attention to anyone whizzing past me on the street.

Today though I looked around for a moment and saw a girl who was walking down the street and she just looked so sad. I couldn't help but think, what's her story? Did she just bomb a test, get bad news, break up with a boyfriend, does she know Jesus loves her, does she know I really just want to give her a hug right now? In the few seconds it took for her to pass, questions bombarded me, I wanted to know this girl's story, and then she was gone, we passed each other and I probably couldn't even pick her out of a crowd again.

I took the rest of my walk from Bascom to Engineering Hall to just watch people passing by. So many people, so many stories, so many questions flying through my mind. What's playing on his Ipod, who's she talking to on the phone, are they dating, why won't she look me in the eyes; with every person I passed I felt like I wanted to know more.

Then, I began to wonder-What do you think it was like for Jesus to walk down the road, did He experience something similar? Did He tap into His omniscience every time He saw someone new? He did every really see someone new or did He already know the story of everyone He met? Was He always on compassion overload, did He every have to turn that off?

What did it look like for Jesus to love His neighbors daily? I know the Bible records the great stories of miracles that defined His ministry, but everyday, walking down the road between miracles, what did loving His neighbors mean? So flip side, what does loving these people in my life for seconds each day look like?

Obviously I can't stop every person I see on the street and dig into their story, I would never get to class. I can't just go around hugging everyone who looks like they've had a bad day and then keep going on with my day. So what can I do?

It's been a while

Wow I can't believe it's been 10 days since I blogged last!! Life as been sooo crazy lately, it honestly feels like I get down with one thing and then there are 10 more things to do. On top of struggling to simply balance life, last week I got midterm exam scores back. I felt so prepared for all of them, but only got mediocre grades back. That's such a discouragement for me. I'm really putting so much into my studies, I know this is where God has me right now so I want to give Him my best, but feeling like my best isn't good enough, I just hate that! Then I run into the question of what's the motivation driving my want for good grades, whether I want to glorify myself or Him with A's. If I'm trying as hard as I can and know that I'm giving Him everything should I be satisfied with these grades even though they leave me with a feeling of inadequacy? Something to ponder I guess.

Anyway. last week at Blackhawk the Sunday school lesson we were teaching the kids was "Wisdom means choosing wise friends." This "bottom line" was illustrated with the story of Rehoboam in 1 Kings 12, a classic I know ;) No for those of you who have no idea what that story is, The people came to Rehoboam (Solomon's son) as he was taking the throne and told him that his father's yoke on the people was too heavy and said that if he would lighten the yoke that they would serve him. The people gave Rehoboam 3 days to make a decision. In that time, Rehoboam asked some elders and some friends for advice. The elders told Rehoboam to lighten the load and gain the people's favor, while his friends told him to show the people who's boss and make their yolk heavier. Rehoboam chose to listen to his friends and consequentially the people rebelled.

So to teach the kids this story, the woman in charge of large group this week, Shannon, had the kids act it out. She picked one of the boys, Dylan, to be King Rehoboam. She set up the story, then she picked a girl to represent the people. She told the kids that one of the ways the people were under a heavy burden was that they were being taxed heavily. She took out some plastic coins and gave four to the girl and as taxes Dylan took three of those coins. Now Shannon began to explain the advice that Rehoboam got from both sets of people. Immediately, Dylan said he thought he should be nice to the people. It seems like common sense right? Then Shannon explained that if he picked to make life easier on the people that would mean less money for him, she took 2 of the coins in his hand and gave them back to the people. Suddenly, Dylan was torn. The decision that was a piece of cake seconds ago now left uncertainty written all over his face! I thought that was so interesting!

I don't know, it was just so apparent. Dylan, along with most of the kids in the room, knew when they saw the advice Rehoboam got, that if he would work with the people and lighten their load, that they would love him and serve him. But then you introduce this idea that making the right decision might mean sacrificing something yourself, and o man, that decision gets hard really fast!

I know being born with a sinful nature, into a sinful world, means that people are innately selfish. I'm selfish. Rehoboam was selfish. Dylan is 8, he's selfish. How do we reverse that? Can we? Even when we walk in the Spirit, are our motives ever 100% selfless? Dylan was acting out a story, he was making decisions over fake money and he still couldn't resist the temptation to want more! I mean it's funny but at the same time it's so not at all funny. I have no amazing revelations tonight, just observations I guess.

Rain Down Grace

As most of you, today was the first day in almost 2 weeks that we saw any sunlight in Wisconsin. Though I missed it because I was driving home from St. Louis, I did get to enjoy some of my own sun this weekend as well, but the point is that prior to today, we have been living with the welcoming of fall through cold, dreary, rainy weather.

Let me tell you, walking to class in rain is no fun at all; even if you have a rain jacket or an umbrella, it's impossible to stay dry if you have to go to class in rain. Even worse is if you have to do it all day, by the time you get home at the end of the day you are soaked and cold. Water is everywhere; it infiltrates every piece of clothing you're wearing, you have to take you books out of your backpack to make sure the pages dry out, you just feel wet.

The other day I got home from walking in a downpour, I didn't even realize how cold I was until I changed out of my wet jeans and into sweats and the warmest sweatshirt I have and realized I was still freezing. I was "dry," but it was like the cold rain had infiltrated my very being. I took a hot shower to try to "reverse" the rain, but even hours later, I could still feel the rain with me a little.

As we went through the week with rain on and off the whole time, that "rain feeling" was in the back of my mind all week, then on Thursday night at Primetime we sang a song called Rain Down Grace and of course that theme of rain hit me again. I've looked all over for a recording of this song, but can't find one anywhere, so here's at least the lyrics:

Come let us return to the Lord
With all of our hearts (2x)

(men) As sure as the rising of the sun
(women) He will come to us
(men) Like spring rains that water all the earth
(women) He will come to us
(everyone) He will come to us, yes He will come to us

And He will rain down grace
He will rain down grace
Yes He will rain down grace on us

We sang this chorus a ton of times and I just sat there thinking about how intrusive the rain had been all week. I couldn't escape it, no matter how hard I tried, when it was raining, I was soaked, water was everywhere and it just stayed with me, cold in my bones reminding me I was stuck in rain earlier that day. Isn't it amazing that that's how grace is?!?!

Grace like rain, I mean really ponder that for a second. There's no escaping it, God wants to shower you in this sweet, intrusive, all-encompassing forgiveness that's going to soak you to the bone and stay with you forever. It's going to hit every piece of who you are, those big huge gaping this in your life that are sitting out there for everyone to see and those small nooks and crannies of life that you have so secretly hidden from everyone's (except God's) sight. As believer's God's covering them all, soaking us in His love whether we like it or not, and believe me, there are sometimes when I don't like. Times when maybe it seems easier to keep going in sin, instead of being reminded by that feeling in your bones, that you're living a life made possible by grace like rain through the Savior's death on a cross. But you can't, there's no shaking the indescribable truth that is the Father's love shown in grace, and I love that!

Romans 6:1-7--What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death? Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin.

It so interesting how different all the Gospels are.

Matthew begins the New Testament by writing to the Jews, answering their questions about this crazy man who called Himself their Messiah. He includes the story of Jesus birth, His lineage; he gives the Jews the whole story, answers any questions they might have.Then Mark takes over and starts writing for the gentiles. Doesn't even touch this Christmas story, interprets Aramaic words, and includes only half the prophecy of the other gospels; he plasters the pages with the amazing miracles that anyone can understand.

At the same time, the Gospels are so similar too. Many stories of Christ's time on earth are shared in multiple places. It is interesting to note which stories the different authors choose to include. Also interesting is how the same story recorded in a different place can hit you in ways it doesn't or hasn't when read in another Gospel. Never experienced this interesting backwards Deja-vu? Well you're in luck, because today I did.

Today I found myself in Mark 1 and 2. Again, Mark doesn't spend any time talking about Jesus birth or lineage, so unlike Matthew, you get to see Jesus adult ministry immediately. Within the first chapter, Jesus is baptized and tempted in the desert, John the Baptist is put in jail, and Jesus is already being forced to move all over because He is being overwhelmed by crowds. Then, picture this vs. 40-42:

A man with leprosy came to him and begged him on his knees, "If you are willing, you can make me clean." Filled with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. "I am willing," he said. "Be clean!" Immediately the leprosy left him and he was cured.

Ok, so you read that, and maybe you think, Jesus healed some guy, nothing spectacular, some of you probably did, because that's what I did on August 19th, when I read this exact same story almost word for word in Matthew 8:1-4. I looked back at my notes to see what I thought, and I didn't even mention the story in my thoughts that day, I only commented on the story of the Centurion that follows.

Anyway, today something was different. I read those verses and then moved on to get through the rest of the chapter, but I just kept coming back to them. Something about those verses was getting me, but I just couldn't put my finger on it. After maybe the eightieth time I read it (ok not eighty times, but it was a lot) it hit me. I was floored by the way man with leprosy requested Jesus heal him. "Lord if you are willing, I know you can make me clean." This one sentence seems so complex. The man, who remains nameless, I kinda want to give him a name so he will be more fun to write about, we'll call him Henry, so Henry recognizes that nothing happens outside of God's will, He identifies Jesus as Lord and therefore also God as man, and he knows that if its God's will, Jesus could end his affliction.

My question is, what if Jesus would have said, "Sorry man, I'm not willing, I can't do that today." Really, what if that would have happened? I want to ask Henry what he would have said and done afterward, instead of running around like crazy shouting about how amazing Jesus was, where would he have gone next?

Jesus wouldn't have done that, some of you are convinced that would be impossible. Take a second and glance here at Mark 1:32-34, just a few verses before

That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. The whole town gathered at the door, and Jesus healed many who had various diseases.

The first verse says the people brought all the sick to Jesus, and the second says He healed many. You know, I don't think they would make this distinction if the many that were healed were all that were brought to Him. For example, Matt 14:34-36:

When they had crossed over, they landed at Gennesaret. And when the men of that place recognized Jesus, they sent word to all the surrounding country. People brought all their sick to him and begged him to let the sick just touch the edge of his cloak, and all who touched him were healed.

Matthew 14 all, Mark 1 many. Could you imagine being one of the not many who was literally in Jesus presence, but walked away without being cured, sitting staring in His face, but not feeling that healing touch?

- - - - - - - - - - -

So, I started this blog on Friday morning, and I basically got it written to this point Friday and I've been stuck here since. I couldn't get this story off my mind, but as I tried to conclude the post, I'm sitting here thinking, "so what?" Whether or not you track with the whole many vs. all theory I've come up with, the fact remains that sometimes Jesus does reply, "Sorry, I'm not willing," even when it's someone as amazing as Paul making the request in 1 Cor 12, but what do I want to say with this?

I was stumped by this question until last night at the Superchick concert (so good). After the band came out and rocked pretty hard core for a while, they decided to take it down a few notches. The lead singer began telling a story of a time in her life when it seemed impossible to see God's hand in her situation. She said one day during that time she found Job 23 and the song "Beauty from Pain" was the result. The song talks about how sometimes in life dreams are crushed and there is no hope of seeing them rekindled on this earth and there are times when God literally brings us to the end of ourselves basically to just leave us there. In those times, the darkness we are surrounded by is blinding; in that Job passage Job said that he literally could not see God no matter where or how hard he looked.

So, I think the point I am trying to come to with this is that there will be times when God says, "I'm not willing," even when it the most noble request from humble people who love the Lord with everything they got, and none of us can really understand that. But guys, I want to reassure that God will never take us through darkness without the hope that eventually we will see the dawn. Have you ever thought about that, how without the darkness of night you would never know the beauty of dawn?

I'll be honest, that dawn isn't promised to be swift, it might accompany the second coming and even if we get a glimpse of the dawn, our hearts might still be breaking, but God isn't giong to take you through it for no reason. I want to encourage you tonight, to walk through the darkness, the pain, with Him, even if you feel like He is nowhere to be found, because I can promise you that that feeling is a lie. God is there and wants to walk through the pain with you, to be by your side loving you while you're just trying to hold on. You never know who's life your speaking beauty into by wakling through the pain with Him.

Job 23:16-17--God has made my heart faint; the Almighty has terrified me. Yet I am not silenced by the darkness, by the thick darkness that covers my face.

Click here to see a video of Beauty from Pain by Superchick